Sunday, February 12, 2012

I Wonder by Susan Justice..

Susan Justice is a new and upcoming artist... this song sort of has me in a trance this morning... The kids are amazing.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

My how things have changed...

It has been a year since I have blogged on the site. Not that my thoughts have ceased It's just that life has occurred. Since I was last able to blog I have gotten married to the most amazing man to date, sent him off to war, became pregnant with a little boy, and experienced a great growth with my son.. It feels really good. And even though we face life's challenges just as everyone else, I am so glad to have my fellows to go through this life with me.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Eat, Pray, Love, Love LOVE

I began the movie Eat Pray Love with the intent of watching this superb chick flick that I have heard so much about. Really I was intrigued by the title. Actually, the first word in the title. Eat. Smh… I’m thinking that this is a Food Network special about PRAYing over great food to EAT that you LOVE. I was oh so wrong. This proved to be so much more.

Liz, the main character, is floating through life. No definite base. No real foundation. At the beginning, she rolls over in the bed and tells her husband that she doesn’t want to be married in response to him stating that he didn’t want to accompany her on her business trip. #badtiming. Crazy thing is, it wasn’t him. It wasn’t the marriage. It was her incapabilities of dealing with life’s curve balls. And instead of dealing with it head on, she just chose not to. Easier to evacuate the city than to weather the storm… The event leading up to this crash, she expressively explains to him her next job assignment and he replies… “Yeah, so I was talking to Bob about the school system.” Huh?! Liz replies in continuation of his change of convo, “I think you’d make a great school teacher…” A complete dismissal for what she was so excited to inform him of. At what point do you get so engulfed with self that you can’t take a few moments to let your mate finish a complete thought without making it all about you. Her husband was pretty much like yeah, okay, ummm so back to me. At first I couldn’t understand why she would leave instead of just working it out. Even at the divorce hearing, her husband was pouring out his heart (in a sincere manner) to sway her to stay. All Liz could see was 8 years of her wandering in the wilderness, lost in her spouse with no sense of who she was. Doing all she could to ensure his comfortability. A place that was no longer home. A place she refused to go back to.

Liz realizes her mistake. Realizes what she thought was forever was a mere glimpse of what she thought she wanted. A mistake she can’t fix alone. Infatuated with what she thought was.

Journey through Infatuation:

“It begins when the object of your affection bestows upon you a heady hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted.. An emotional speedball of thunderous love and excitement. Soon you start craving that attention with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When it is withheld, you turn sick, crazy, not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but now refuses to pony up the good stuff. ****** and he used to give it to you for free. Next stage finds you skinny, shaking in a corner… certain only that you’d sell your soul just to have that one thing, one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration is now repulsed by you. He looks at you as if you’re someone he’s never met before. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You’re a mess. Unrecognizable even to your own eyes. You have now reached infatuations final destination. The complete and merciless devaluation of self.”

“I don’t know how to be here,” is what Liz mutters as she is sprawled on the floor clutching a pillow. So she leaves. She has come to the final stop on her journey of being infatuated. Time to catch the next train.


While in Italy, Liz has the great idea that she is just going to eat her problems away. In the midst of ordering her lunch in her broken Italian she meets a crew who takes her in as family. The older gentleman discusses his grievances with Americans. “Americans know entertainment, but don’t know pleasure.” They don’t know how to savor the moment. They don’t know how to enjoy life. There is no pleasure in what they do. He tells Liz to EAT. Divulge yourself into all that is around you. Take a bite out of life enjoying every flavor that it offers. You may not get that same experience in the next bite… So EAT! With no reservations and no apologies. Just eat.


The next journey brings her to India to serve selflessly those around her while seeking God and finding purpose and fulfillment through meditation. The only thoughts she can seem to meditate on are of the outside world: when she gets back to the states how will she decorate her new place? Where will she live? She learns in order to truly pray she must empty herself of all external factors. Liz wants peace but can’t seem to get a grasp on how to obtain it. “If you want to get to the castle with your riches.. You must first swim the moat.” There is no achievement made in life that doesn’t require refinement of values, revising of methods, and revelation to guide you. She expected that because she walked into the church, peace would automatically follow. She soon learned that she had to give a little, actually a lot. Life didn’t revolve around her simple needs. Happiness doesn’t come from fulfilling self. The self pity that she wished to wallow in kept knocking her down at the knees and she couldn’t understand why. She spent all her time in meditation looking for relief from her aches and hurts and failed to realize you can’t bring your selfish thoughts to a selfless master. In order to be in the likeness of God and receive what he has you must be able to sacrifice what he does. God doesn’t look at his children with the intent of what we can do for Him but of how He can bless us and brings on our way. Our journey will always begin when we decide to be a blessing to others. PRAY. You will soon find your fulfillment that was within you all the while. God dwells within you, as you.


The entire movie was centered upon Liz finding her balance. How can she maintain a strong sense of self and live life to the fullest. She had to EAT and PRAY. Believing that she was well on her way to greatness she continued to do great things. Getting rid of the negative that didn’t serve her purpose and embracing others as if they were an extension of her made life worthwhile. That was her balance. She suddenly found a place where she mattered. And for once it didn’t involve countless thoughts of the wrong that had been imposed upon her nor guilt from the wrong she imposed upon others. She swam through the moat fought the crocs and found her peace (castle/riches). Liz meets a man. He falls for her. Liz runs. Again. She firmly believes that if she falls back for him she will lose all the balance that she fought and surrendered so much to get. 1 Corinthians 13:8-10,13 “Love never ends. There are gifts of prophecy, but they will be ended. There are gifts of speaking in different languages, but those gifts will stop. There is a gift of knowledge, but it will come to an end. The reason is that our knowledge and our ability to prophesy are not perfect. But when perfection comes, things that are not perfect will end. So these three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of all these is love.” Watching Liz not wanting to surrender to love made my heart skip a beat. She had spent so much time learning the meaning of service and servitude and for a split second she went back to the time before her journey to where she lost herself to infatuation and didn’t want to lose again. But not fully grasping that LOVE is all there is. LOVE stands the test of time. LOVE is forever. Cannot be created nor destroyed, only transferred from being to being. LOVE.

As I watched this movie and went through the journey on the couch, I teared up a bit. I smiled. I sighed. But above all I understood. When all seems to go awry, sometime you just have to EAT, PRAY, and LOVE. Seek your creators face and move to your next stop. You can’t seek yourself for the answer. That’s like going to a clockmaker and asking him why the refrigerator is broke. You go to the refrigerator man. Why? Because he designed it. He put everything in a strategic place so that all components work properly together. So when something goes wrong, he will know just where to go fix it. After all, he put it there. The same with God. He created all living creatures. When something isn’t right, you have to go to the Creator of your life for the Creator, knowing the ends and outs of you, will know just what to do.

This was a pleasant movie. I must say. Didn’t know what I would get out of it at first, but it’s all so clear to me now. When life throws it’s curveballs, Eat. Enjoy it anyway. When you are looking for your next step and all seems unclear, Pray. Keep walking, until all becomes clear. And just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, Love. You were created out of love and that is the only sure thing that will always remain.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

This Is My Moment

This is "What Is..." for me... And It Is to be admonished, cherished, supported, understood, exemplified, favored, loved, and appreciated. Would not trade this moment I am in, for any moment that I have ever experienced or any other moment to come.

God is Good. And He is good all by himself!

Your Moment is Now...

I have been wanting to blog for some time, but never could get my thoughts together. What to say? What am I feeling that could really benefit and SPARK the shifting of perspectives in others? Lately, I have been in such a state of want and need that I have been repelling it. And what's crazy is I KNOW that I have been repelling it. One thing I have found to be true is that when you are vengefully seeking something it will elude you. Some things are meant to be placed into your life, when the time is unmistakably perfect. I even heard before that the devil will have you so focused on that which you don't have, you begin to pay no attention to the multitude of things that you do in fact possess. That right there is borderline ungratefulness... Yikes!

Moving away from the ungrateful side of life and into greener pastures.

I often times find myself and others alike to always be in search for the "And Then... OR the "Whats next." Never allowing for the current moment to fully register. Never allowing the time to truly appreciate present circumstances. Always looking at what is to be accomplished next instead of enjoying what has just been accomplished.

Here's a Timeless Story:
Guy graduates from college (major accomplishment) and father ask him, "Son so now that you have become a degreed man, Whats Next?" Son replies, "Well I am going to get a decent paying job?" Father responds, "And Then?" The son answers, "Marry my girlfriend." Father says, "And Then?" Son then says, "Buy a house, have some kids, and get a dog." Father says, "And Then?" Son states, "Probably set up for my retirement and knock some bills out the way." Father says, "And Then?" At this point the son gets quiet... For he has no notion of what is to come, simply speculation of what he would like to manifest... so he answers his dad, "Well, I just don't readily know..."

Moral of this story is that we are always seeking and asked about our next ventures, our next occurences, our next box on the checklist. Instead of the guy enjoying the moment of a major accomplishment, taking it all in... He is at a mental state where he is self and others required to venture off on to what is next on the list. My FB status today reads.."often times in life we seek and anticipate special moments, monumental moments, life changing moments, defining moments, moments that we think will bring true bliss, when what matters the most at the present time, is the moment that you are in now. We ought to learn to live for the "What Is.." Not the "What Ifs..." or the "What Could/Should/Would Be."
I have always sought out my next move, set out to find the direction of my next step, branched out to see where I shall attain my answers... Just to sit in retrospect and recall that every thing that was of extreme importance came to me without the journey. Instead of me realizing that everything I ever need is in this moment right now.. It's not in tomorrow. Nor is it in yesterday. It's here. My everything has already arrived... I emphasize the MY. Not what others would have for me, but just what I need to make it to tomorrow, lies within.

There have been times that I thought that if I only had this, or if I could only obtain that, That my life be precisely how I envisioned. Or if I dont have this anymore or if this entity is to no longer be present... Life will not be how I envisioned. I use to pray that certain things would remain a part of me. Certain people will always remain. Certain people would leave. I'm no longer at that stop in my life. I have caught the next train to "What will be, Will be" And who's to say that I will never receive my heart's desires... If I never receive another thing, I will thoroughly enjoy the blessings of today.

I'll be blessed tomorrow. Just as today. Just as yesterday. Some blessings bigger than others. But blessings nonetheless. I was told in a dream, to just be patient. Simple profound wisdom. Patience brings all things to past. So the job. It will come. The degree. It will come. Marriage, children, house. It will come. But today holds love, basic needs having been met, selfish wants having been fulfilled. But most important of all those is love. 1Cor 13:13 Faith Hope and Love. Yup!

So I end these words of mine with words from Rainer Maria Rilke: Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions."

In Conclusion... your moment is right now.. It is here... It has already arrived... Waiting for you to wake up and realize that all you need in this moment is staring you back in your face!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Monday, September 20, 2010

Submitting to Love...

I was recently talking to a good friend of mine. He has been on the look for a compatible mate, but has yet to find the one that he considers to be a fit for him. One "requirement" that reigns supreme is that the woman be submissive. So this one girl tells him that she will be submissive with conditions... That's not submission... That's one of those "let me see how I feel at the time" decisions to be submissive...

Having said that... I do believe fully in being submissive to your spouse for the bible tells us so. I also believe in picking your spouse wisely. You can not choose a fool and then complain about submitting to their poor judgement. That is a direct reflection of your judgement.

I have been in good relationships and in bad and in every single one of them I never felt the need to give of myself completely.. I knew that in a relationship that is what you were to do... Well in a MARRIAGE not just a relationship. But there was something in me that could just not do it completely. I always felt that when it was THE man for me... I'd know and submission would come with out any hesitancy or skepticism.

Saying all this to say, the bible speaks on wives submitting to your husbands (it's in there I promise) and when getting married that is something that should be understood by both man and woman.

I am quite proud to say that I have been led to the man that I have no problem submitting to. And I always knew that I would be. I had to go thru dealing with people who weren't for me, abuse, having an abortion, sleepless nights, baby mama drama, just straight foolishness... Just to get to a man that I sincerely want to be for and feel in my heart that is for me. You just know when you meet the person that you never want to hurt. That you never want to make cry. That you never want to do them wrong. That you want to do all you can to make them smile. That you want to put things in place to make their day a little bit more easier. That you want to grow with. Build with. Make a life with. Establish a home with. Conquer the world with... I'm grateful for my past, for molding me into the person that I am today. I am grateful to God, for hearing me... I am grateful for my future husband for hearing me, too... I happily and sincerely relinquish my reins to be what he needs to be. Never before has this come over me.. But I'm ready nonetheless...